Contemporary leadership development emphasizes personal growth through self-reflection, self-awareness, and continuous self-improvement. This involves consciously examining your daily life: how you allocate your time, the people you interact with, and critically evaluating what actions benefit you and others versus what hinders progress. It also entails clarifying your core values, defining your priorities, and ultimately, envisioning the legacy you want to create.
This approach differs significantly from acquiring technical skills like strategy or finance. There’s no single, prescribed route; each leader’s development is a unique, ongoing journey. While challenging, this process is profoundly rewarding.
Today, I’m sharing a glimpse into my own evolving leadership journey, hoping to inspire you on yours.
Why I needed to ‘lean out’
As a female founder and CEO of a fledgling but progressive start-up, juggling life’s pressures can be challenging. When I moved to Portugal last year, I vowed to find better balance. As a wellbeing professional, I should practice what I preach – but I wasn’t. 2025 has given me a BIG wake-up call. I’ve faced personal challenges and supported friends through tough situations and I’ve learnt the heavy price of leaning in too much.
In my former career, I was often praised for leaning in. I’ve even got LinkedIn testimonials admiring this trait in me. So, it is probably unsurprising that I continued on that trajectory unquestioningly. Then, I read an article and later a book about Leaning Out, and everything started to make a lot more sense. Dropping the martyrdom has unlocked energy, ideas, and enthusiasm. The result? I’m doing better. Everyone around me is doing better.
Who needs to lean out?
This is for people who lean in too hard—self-sacrificing, burned out, always putting others first. The ones who excuse bad behavior, play therapist, and say yes too often. The ones who quietly take on extra work without negotiating the recognition deal, then wonder why their contributions go unnoticed.
The Two-fold Problem
- It doesn’t help those we save. Constant rescuing stunts their growth, making them dependent.
- It drowns us. We become invisible, overlooked, and exhausted. Others simply resent us for always (appearing at least), to having our sht* together while they struggle.
The ‘So, What?’ approach
What I realised is that I can’t control what people choose to say or do to me, but I can choose how I respond. Now, when someone comes at me with something that I know is valueless to me, I simply brush it off (this is taking some practice, but I’m getting there)!
- So what if someone thinks I’m “too much”? That’s their insecurity, not mine.
- So what if I didn’t check off everything on my to-do list? I slept well.
- So what if someone downplays my success? I know I’m killing it.
- So what if I set boundaries? I don’t owe everyone my time.
- So what if I say no to that request for professional advice without payment? I value my time and skills, even if you don’t.
What This Doesn’t Mean
It doesn’t mean I’ve ceased to be kind, conscious, and responsible. But I’m reevaluating what is actually mine to carry. What energizes me vs. what drains me? What helps others grow vs. what keeps them stuck? What vicious cycles I was creating for myself and to a lesser degree, others.
I’ve no doubt at this point that some readers are feeling a bit uncomfortable. It might feel a bit selfish, self-centred, audacious even. But, maybe if we reframe it, it looks a lot like living by the principle that loving others begins with loving oneself.
The Workplace Lesson
Take a look around your workplace and ask…
- Who are we leaning on too hard?
- Who’s frequently labeled “too much” or “not enough”?
- Who’s losing themselves in the needs of others?
- Who’s setting healthy boundaries but being penalised for it?
- Who’s making extra contributions that go unnoticed?
Maybe, it’s you!?
The Takeaway
Since leaning out, I’ve stopped fighting to be heard. I’ve stopped swooping in at every cry for help. I’ve stopped trying to make my big personality smaller. Instead, I’m pushing back to create space on my terms. I’m no longer draining my energy by trying to play ALL the roles and please ALL the people. That was always, I realise now, going to be unnecessarily unsustainable and limiting.
This unexpected journey of self-discovery has helped me tune into what I need, to listen to my body, and to break harmful habits I didn’t even know I had. And for that, I apologise to no one.
So, if you’re exhausted, resentful, underappreciated – maybe it’s time to lean out.
And trust me, when you do, everyone will be better for it.
This article was inspired, in part, by Lean Out: The Truth About Women, Power, and the Workplace by Marissa Orr, a book I recommend if you are keen to explore this topic further.